Letter to the Editor: Fork-control laws needed

December 9, 2004
Dayton Daily News

Re "Study: Ohioans beefing up," Nov. 9: I believe it is time that our state lawmakers examine the issue of "fork control" to limit the availability of forks and reduce overeating.

I know this suggestion is controversial because many in Ohio believe it is the right of the people to keep and bear forks. But the evidence that action is needed is overwhelming.

A study released in May 2003 states that Americans spent $78.5 billion in obesity costs in 1998.

Some people may argue that fork-control laws ignore the importance of individual responsibility and conduct, and say that forks are not dangerous pathogens, but inanimate objects that are wielded by individuals who should be held accountable when they misuse them.

However, in light of the evidence of health costs, it is time for Ohio to examine stricter fork- control laws.

I recommend that anyone who owns a fork register it with the state, and anytime an individual wishes to purchase a fork, there should be a three-day waiting period for a federal background check.

Further, lawmakers should take steps to ban the large "assault" forks and semiautomatic fork-tongs used at buffet bars. Likewise, the state must address the small cocktail forks that can be concealed in a pocket or purse.

Finally, state laws should enable individuals to sue fork manufacturers over obesity injuries or death.

I know these laws cannot be enacted overnight, so individuals who own forks should practice fork safety.

Consider attending fork-safety refresher courses each autumn before the venison season.

Always use the proper caliber knife with your fork and store your forks and knives in separate locations.

Demonstrate proper respect and safety of fork use to your children.

Joe Von Holle
Beavercreek

Commentary:
Speaking of assault-forks and other weapons, the falacy of gun control rhetoric will be on display 24/7/365 at a new website started by the "The Coalition to Prevent Assault Weapon Violence".

According it's website, the coalition was organized in the wake of the expiration of the 1994 Assault Weapon Ban that expired on September 13, 2004. It started when one of the founding members read a release by the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence that AK47s and Uzis were coming to our neighborhoods this summer.

"We investigated and determined that all scientific research to date shows that these weapons are rarely used in crimes. We trust that John Kerry, the Brady Campaign, and independent experts like Tim Robbins would never mislead us, so we set out to prove what the experts cannot - that assault weapons do cause crime."

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"To that end," the website says, "we obtained a 'Colt AR-15' assault rifle from a local death merchant and configured a web-cam and lighting to monitor it 24 hours a day."

After a few days of monitoring, nothing happened. With the help of its growing volunteer base, the Coalition soon figured out the problem:

"Much to our embarassment, some astute volunteers pointed out that we needed to 'load' the rifle with assault ammunition. A few days later, thanks to some generous paypal donations from our volunteers, we have the rifle loaded with a 'magazine' and we again wait for spontaneous acts of violence."

The Coalition (which is taking donations to help get other assault weapons off the street [for testing purposes, of course]) posts this encouragement about how you can help on its website:

"Helping is easy - you simply need to load this page regularly. Bookmark it. Make it your browser's default page. Check it every night after you tuck your children in. It's their lives your assistance might save. You could be the one that spots the violence."